I’m writing this because I’m angry…
Recently, my stepdaughter admitted something awful that her mother said about me: that because I was abused in a previous relationship, I must be the type of woman (quiet and subservient) who tolerates abuse because I choose to stay with her ex husband that she claims has been abusing her for 9 years.
What makes it even more ignorant is the assumption behind it. I am not a quiet woman. I am not agreeable for the sake of peace. I am not conflict-avoidant. I have never been the type to sit silently and take mistreatment.
I challenge men constantly. I speak up. I push back. I refuse to shrink myself to make others comfortable. You can ask my husband, heh. If anything, having been abused once made me far less tolerant of it. Duh.
But hey… It’s much easier to label a woman than to confront power, control, and responsibility.
My past doesn’t define my tolerance.
It proves my resilience.
And I refuse to let someone else’s IGNORANCE rewrite my story.
Many people assume abuse only happens to women who are quiet, agreeable, or conflict-avoidant. That if a woman speaks her mind, pushes back, or refuses to shrink, she’s somehow protected. NO.
That belief is not only false, it’s deeply ignorant. That isn’t true.
What makes this assumption even more absurd is that it comes from someone who openly identifies as having experienced abuse herself and who is not quiet, passive, or conflict-avoidant by any definition. Oh believe meeeee.
She is very outspoken, extroverted, confrontational, and assertive. If abuse only happened to quiet women, her story wouldn’t exist either so her claims are completely contradictory!
Abuse happens to women of all personalities. Outspoken women. Strong women. Women who argue back. Women who refuse to comply.
In fact, strength, independence, and resistance can sometimes provoke controlling behavior in people who need dominance to feel secure.
Abuse isn’t about how passive a woman is or the woman at all.
A healthy person can feel angry, stressed, or overwhelmed without resorting to intimidation, violence, or fear.
When we frame abuse as something that happens to a certain “type” of woman, we quietly shift responsibility away from the person causing harm.
We start analyzing the survivor instead of naming the behavior.
If abuse only happened to “quiet women”, it would be easier to spot.
But it doesn’t.
And believing that myth only makes survivors doubt themselves.
Honestly, Vanessa 