When your self-worth is tied to superficial metrics like your appearance, job title, possessions, it is constantly vulnerable. A bad photo, a loss of a job or a home, or aging can really trigger an identity crisis, leading to anxiety, depression, stress, and insecurity.
Substance builds resilience. When your self-worth comes from your character, integrity, and internal values, external events have less power to shake your foundation. You gain mental clarity about what genuinely matters, reducing the noise and pressure of societal expectations.
That’s why I don’t like to surround myself with people who are overly focused on superficial things like what someone’s wearing or name brands or what another possesses. I’d much rather be around people who are humble and have depth.
I love conversations that revolve around ideas, passions and complex topics that go beyond the surface like what’s happening in the world, religion, spirituality, conspiracy ideas, philosophical questions, and anything that makes me think a little deeper. I love being around people who can stimulate my mind.
Vapid interactions, often revolving around superficial matters like gossiping about other people or just small talk can feel extremely unfulfilling and energy-draining for me. I genuinely hard it really hard to find common ground with people who constantly converse like this.
And sometimes I wonder why I didn’t grow up to be just like that.
Because the truth is, that was the air I breathed as a child. My mother was the blueprint. She was always obsessed with image, always competing her sisters like who had the better house or cars, obsessed with celebrities, obsessed with being envied more than being known. And there was no room for emotional depth or self-awareness.
The decade my mother arrived to the states, the 1980’s, was all about consumerism and display of wealth. Immigrants commonly pursued materialism as a way to “fit in” or achieve status within their new society. Now listen, It’s one thing to want nice things for yourself which is super okay especially if you work hard for them, but it’s another to obsess over these material things and let it affect your mood.
Sometimes I feel sad about it, honestly. I wonder what it would’ve been like to grow up with a mother who actually cared about my mind, my inner world, my feelings, not just my appearance or how others perceived her through me. I wonder what it would’ve been like to grow up in a home where depth was normal and emotional intelligence wasn’t foreign.
And maybe that’s why I’m so protective of my depth now.
It is perfectly normal not to connect with everyone, and it is acceptable to seek out people who align better with your personality and interests. People who are consumed with appearances remind me too much of home. And not in the comforting way.
Honestly, Vanessa 